BUSH PRESSED TO REVEAL ENDING OF 'MY PET GOAT'

Washington, D.C. (NB4): The American Association of Children's Book Critics (AACBC) today filed a Freedom of Information Act request for President Bush's response to the ending of the children's book, "My Pet Goat." President Bush was videotaped reading the book to a group of school children in Florida exactly three years ago tomorrow.

"We think it is quite important that before Election Day, President Bush reveal his reaction to the stunning ending of this important work of children's literature," stated Margaret B. Hoffman-Pilkington, spokesperson for the Bowie, Maryland based association. "After all, he took seven very important minutes away from his job as president on September 11, 2001, to finish reading the book. The very least he can tell us is how he felt about the ending."

The President's third assistant press secretary, I. M. A. Prevaricator, responded that "the President is still reviewing the matter. It is very important that the President have the full amount of time to consider his position on this important matter regarding a raging controversy in the world of children's literature. He needs to review all the facts, and will present his findings to the American public very soon."

Ms. Hoffman-Pilkington was not satisfied by such assurances, contending that "the President has had more than enough time to consider his position. It is clear that the merit of the book required his full concentration during a time of national crisis. Now he must come forth with his conclusions. If he does not, then our organization may be forced to endorse his competitor for the office of President."

Although our reporters attempted to contact the Pet Goat herself, she was reported variously to be on a religious pilgramage to Tibet, or in a "strategy session" with her agent in Beverly Hills, and was not available for comment.